Ectozone :: Ghostbusters 2022: Ghosts Can't Do It

Author:

Fritz [ November 8th, 2010, 9:12 am ]

Post subject:

Ghostbusters 2022: Ghosts Can't Do It

Ghostbusters 2022: Ghosts Can't Do It

July 2022--Timeline Year Forty
A young woman was kidnapped out of her shower, and paranormal involvement is suspected. The Ghostbusters don't have much time to solve the mysteries of how and why--because one of their own young women is the ghost's next victim!
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I don't know if this is going to mean I'm back in the fan fic game, but it's promising. I have one other story that's been done for a little while now, and one that's almost finished--both are lead-ins to a major Ghostbusters West Coast story I've been building to for some time now.

This particular story, "Ghosts Can't Do It", was delayed from an original tentative Halloween release. It wasn't really a "Halloween story" so that wasn't a big deal. But let me tell you why, and thus give a little bit of a content warning:

I admit I based it off a story I wrote for my own amusement sixteen years ago, when I was sixteen years younger and hornier, and it shows. I go some places I don't usually go, so I warn you that the content may not be suitable for everyone.

That was the main reason this story ended up delayed. There's a lot of, shall we say, sensative moments in this story, and I relied on the guidance of the beta readers when deciding which bits to keep, which to throw out, and what to rewrite. One even found an area that I neglected to explain adequately, and it was fixed.

I've delved further into some more mature elements than I have in a story. There's three shower scenes, one depiction of a couple post-coitus, and the ghost's agenda drives it to some very intense extremes.

Believe it or not, this version of the story is a little less randy than the original draft--I was encouraged to "tone down" the narrative in spots, and in the second draft I did. In the third, some of the more debated content was added back in, but not all.

I recieved comments from both male and female betas for this story. (For the beta readers: the final release is mostly unchanged from "RC3". Only one beta suggested further revisions; I did remove a couple of paragraphs that were overly infodumping.)

There's really only one place where this story becomes more intense than Japanese fan service anime, but if you're not into things like that--and don't think sex has any role in Ghostbusters (because it's not like Ray ever got a spectral blow job or a possessed woman ever told Venkman "I want you inside me")--then this probably isn't a good story for you.

Still, it's a fun story (I hope) and it accomplished the main thing I had in mind: do a story of the Ghostbusters of the 2020's without depending on guest shots from official characters, or even too many crossreferences to their adventures (there's a few references and in-jokes, though...because I can't stop myself all the time...)

Author:	nikki [ November 8th, 2010, 7:46 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Ghostbusters 2022: Ghosts Can't Do It
I'm not sure you needed the disclaimer or explanation for that story. I've read lots of 'mature' Ghostbusters stories by various different authors, and none of them needed any kind of explanation. I think a rating and/or a vague warning about some mature content would have been more than enough, really. Spoiler! It's a really strong story, and I actually love the fact that you wrote about a ghost with impotence problems. It's very rare to see that kind of thing featured in fan fiction, and when it is featured then it's often depicted as happening only to older men. Most guys in fiction are represented as being virile with no problems in the bedroom department which is not always the case, and problems can happen to younger men, too. It's even more brilliant that a male author can acknowledge that in real life sex isn't always the fantastic stuff that some other fan fiction authors like to pretend it always is (especially with the added nerves and pressure of their first times). I often see female authors writing these experiences as being just perfect, and the male characters being something like sex gods going at it for hours, so I think really Fritz has put a lot of the female authors of these kinds of stories to shame in that respect by at least being a bit more honest about how it can sometimes be. The Why, God, Why and Godawful FF.net forums have enough examples of how badly some first time sex scenes can be written. This story really is quite refreshing in the way that someone's first time was handled. To be honest, the content wasn't as explicit as I had been expecting, which is probably another reason that the explanation wasn't needed as I was kind of expecting something quite different to what I ended up reading. It's like The Zodiac Imperative situation where certain people accused you of writing porn and it was nothing like it. From the way you had introduced the story on here, I was expecting porn, man! I do find it kinda funny that according to Marie I'm exactly one size below an 'overly top-heavy' bra size. I'm not exactly bursting out of my tops, so I'm kind of wondering what size she might be. She certainly seemed to think TJ was 'top-heavy' enough! Great character interaction as always, and some snappy one-liners. I also love the way comparisons were drawn between the characters and the way their reactions and situations differed with that kind of intimate subject matter. I really, really hope this is the start of you getting back to some regular writing! Great stuff!

Author:	Fritz [ November 9th, 2010, 9:11 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Ghostbusters 2022: Ghosts Can't Do It
Quote: I'm not sure you needed the disclaimer or explanation for that story. I've read lots of 'mature' Ghostbusters stories by various different authors, and none of them needed any kind of explanation. I think a rating and/or a vague warning about some mature content would have been more than enough, really. To be honest, the content wasn't as explicit as I had been expecting, which is probably another reason that the explanation wasn't needed as I was kind of expecting something quite different to what I ended up reading. It's like The Zodiac Imperative situation where certain people accused you of writing porn and it was nothing like it. From the way you had introduced the story on here, I was expecting porn, man! I won't deny I've dabbled in writing outright porn in the past--but when the sheer hormone rush that comes from writing it fades, and I look at it later, I'm more embarrassed than turned on. Seems a sure sign that trying to post it anywhere is a bad idea. Well, I admit, I guess "Zodiac Imperative" made me a little gunshy on this, even though the specific reason I got flamed for that story wasn't present here. I've ventured into this territory before--Love Sucks (a GBWC story) presents a situation that could quite easily have been a successful supernatural rape. And as one of my beta readers pointed out, there was the canon story in RGB#8, in which Toad Island was kidnapping tourists--including Janine--for use in a breeding program. Of course, nobody ended up naked in that story. I guess part of it is "better safe than sorry"; in my mind what I'm comparing it to is not the tons of much more explicit stuff on FFN or the crap WGW makes fun of (I'm a member of WGW, even though I don't post much) but instead to the cartoons and comic books. This story wouldn't have made it on to Saturday Morning, and it couldn't make it into comics without a "Mature Readers" logo because of all the nudity. And the first draft was a little more expicit in a couple of spots. I reserve the right to released the first draft down the line as an Apocrypha. Quote: I do find it kinda funny that according to Marie I'm exactly one size below an 'overly top-heavy' bra size. I'm not exactly bursting out of my tops, so I'm kind of wondering what size she might be. She certainly seemed to think TJ was 'top-heavy' enough! Well, a lot of that stuff is rather too arcane for my male mind, so I just winged it. For some reason, when this subject comes up, the last thing I'm thinking about are precise numbers. Quote: Great character interaction as always, and some snappy one-liners. I also love the way comparisons were drawn between the characters and the way their reactions and situations differed with that kind of intimate subject matter. I really, really hope this is the start of you getting back to some regular writing! Great stuff! I think so. Like I've said, I have one story done, and another very close. The second one has lots of vampires ripping limbs off of each other, so it should be more socially acceptible that this piece of smut I just released Thank you very very much for your comments.

Author:	ghostdiva [ November 9th, 2010, 8:45 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Ghostbusters 2022: Ghosts Can't Do It
I glad I was able to help you debase yourself in a more fluent and concise manor. I like this one, I think it turned out well. I'm sure Fritz had heard enough from me about it though. The premise for this story is a good one though. And it does round out the omnibus universe a little. I like all of the things you learn about this team in this one, it explores characterization in a new way.

Author:	EGBFan [ November 10th, 2010, 3:46 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Ghostbusters 2022: Ghosts Can't Do It
Quote: I'm not sure you needed the disclaimer or explanation for that story. I've read lots of 'mature' Ghostbusters stories by various different authors, and none of them needed any kind of explanation. I think a rating and/or a vague warning about some mature content would have been more than enough, really. I would agree with that. Fritz does like his explanations. It did nothing to my expectations, of course, as I was one of the betas. Personally, I'm all for it being a bit less toned down than it was - and I did get my way on one point. I agree with ghostdiva as well, in that we got a lot of insight into the characters here. One of the many things I said to Fritz was that Marie seemed to miss out a little on this, and I'd be interested in seeing her greater depths plumbed at some point. Quote: I do find it kinda funny that according to Marie I'm exactly one size below an 'overly top-heavy' bra size. I'm not exactly bursting out of my tops, so I'm kind of wondering what size she might be. She certainly seemed to think TJ was 'top-heavy' enough! Hmm... how did I not spot that? Too busy checking the British character's dialogue, I guess. Otherwise I may have made you go up a letter or two, Fritz.

Author:	nikki [ November 10th, 2010, 5:48 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Ghostbusters 2022: Ghosts Can't Do It
Quote: I won't deny I've dabbled in writing outright porn in the past--but when the sheer hormone rush that comes from writing it fades, and I look at it later, I'm more embarrassed than turned on. Seems a sure sign that trying to post it anywhere is a bad idea. You could do what some other popular fan fic authors have done and post adult stories elsewhere under a pseudonym, and see what the general reaction is if you are too embarrassed to post it under the name you use here. Your betas (those who are okay with beta reading mature fiction) could no doubt help to tweak your stories to make them seem less embarrassing, too. Quote: Well, I admit, I guess "Zodiac Imperative" made me a little gunshy on this, even though the specific reason I got flamed for that story wasn't present here. I've ventured into this territory before--Love Sucks (a GBWC story) presents a situation that could quite easily have been a successful supernatural rape. And as one of my beta readers pointed out, there was the canon story in RGB#8, in which Toad Island was kidnapping tourists--including Janine--for use in a breeding program. Of course, nobody ended up naked in that story. I had noticed that some of your other stories (and one or two pieces of your artwork) had ventured into similar territory. It's a shame that your experience with The Zodiac Imperative seems to have made you worried about this, because I personally don't think you need to have been. Yes, there is sensitive subject matter in this story, but it's nothing that could be seen as explicit or titillating for the sake of being so. It all really fits within the story. Quote: I guess part of it is "better safe than sorry"; in my mind what I'm comparing it to is not the tons of much more explicit stuff on FFN or the crap WGW makes fun of (I'm a member of WGW, even though I don't post much) but instead to the cartoons and comic books. This story wouldn't have made it on to Saturday Morning, and it couldn't make it into comics without a "Mature Readers" logo because of all the nudity. I can totally understand wanting to be safe rather than sorry, but you also run the risk of scaring people off what is actually a very good fic for fear of reading some explicit scenes of a sexual nature when there isn't any in the story. In fact, some of the scenes seemed to be purposefully vague rather than explicitly detailed. As child-friendly as ghostbusters is, no doubt you and others of a certain age on this site know that there are a lot of older fans who are interested in the show for the nostalgia, and would really appreciate a story that wasn't written for teens and under. As much as I love the child-friendly stuff, I do often find myself more impressed by the authors who aren't afraid to drift into other more mature areas and subjects when the need arises. Also, as you've already said, the first ghostbusters film doesn't exactly shy away from adult concepts and dialogue either, despite its reputation as a family-friendly film. Quote: The second one has lots of vampires ripping limbs off of each other, so it should be more socially acceptible that this piece of smut I just released lol. That's so true. How sad it is that it seems more acceptable to read or write about blood and gore than a naked person enjoying a shower! Looking forward to reading it, though!

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Author:	jason knetge [ November 10th, 2010, 7:59 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Ghostbusters 2022: Ghosts Can't Do It
Quote: Quote: I won't deny I've dabbled in writing outright porn in the past--but when the sheer hormone rush that comes from writing it fades, and I look at it later, I'm more embarrassed than turned on. Seems a sure sign that trying to post it anywhere is a bad idea. You could do what some other popular fan fic authors have done and post adult stories elsewhere under a pseudonym, and see what the general reaction is if you are too embarrassed to post it under the name you use here. Your betas (those who are okay with beta reading mature fiction) could no doubt help to tweak your stories to make them seem less embarrassing, too. I would be one of your betas for that. Heck if you needed a name you could say " From Dr Venkman hard drive. "

Author:	Fritz [ November 11th, 2010, 9:27 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Ghostbusters 2022: Ghosts Can't Do It
I did decide one thing: I went ahead and took the "Warning" paragraph off the story. Looking at it holistically, I figure the innuendo in the title and the fanservicey "cover" picture might be "warning" enough. Lol...I offhandedly mention the idea of trying to write outright porn, and man, did it get a couple of you fired up Quote: One of the many things I said to Fritz was that Marie seemed to miss out a little on this, and I'd be interested in seeing her greater depths plumbed at some point. As Rosey and another beta know, I did write a scene with her doing her own "inner monologue" but couldn't really fit it into the story. I'm keeping it around in my notes, though, because I really do think it provided some good insight. I do have several eventual plans for this team, as you might guess. Ghostdiva and I have some tentative work on developing the Eden/Edward relationship. Things with John and TJ might come to a head around the same time. And then eventually, of course, is "Gemini Ascendant", which will deal with a lot of the stuff that's been lingering over the Spenglers' heads ever since "Gemini Rising" But I'm not going to rush any of that. Probably a few quieter stories like this one before I get into that stuff. Thanks as always for the comments.

Author:	jason knetge [ November 19th, 2010, 1:14 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Ghostbusters 2022: Ghosts Can't Do It
ok I finely read it. and this might tell more about me but that was rather tame. Still I thought it was good and it was night to see a reference to a cace file I was in.

Author:	Fritz [ November 19th, 2010, 9:01 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Ghostbusters 2022: Ghosts Can't Do It
Quote: ok I finely read it. and this might tell more about me but that was rather tame. Lol...another vote for "Fritz, you were worried about nothing" Quote: Still I thought it was good and it was night to see a reference to a cace file I was in. Well, like I said, I can't totally stop doing little in-jokes and references to past stories.

Author:	Rover [ November 29th, 2010, 9:29 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Ghostbusters 2022: Ghosts Can't Do It
First post here (so consider it a Hello World statement as well), but I've been lurking here for at least a year and a half. And of course I totally dig pretty much all of the stories written by Fritz. Re: this story... well, I find it hilarious rather than "unsuitable". Stuff happens, we all know it, since we're not the same kids that used to watch RGB with bated breath 15 or 20 years ago. Just one fresh thought: isn't Larry a reference to Leisure Suit Larry by a chance? I remember having one of those series back in late 90s and it was quite amusing.

Author:	Fritz [ November 30th, 2010, 1:12 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Ghostbusters 2022: Ghosts Can't Do It
Quote: Just one fresh thought: isn't Larry a reference to Leisure Suit Larry by a chance? I remember having one of those series back in late 90s and it was quite amusing. Actually, I was trying to come up with a slightly "hicky" name, and thought of Larry, Daryl, and Daryl from Newhart.

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