This has really been an interesting take on "Darkness At Noon"; a few things in the story actually changed, certainly (ie Janine going along on the first attempt to catch Achira) but more just the interesting change in perspective. The show as aired was basically from the EGBs point of view, which made a lot of sense as introducing and aquainting the viewers with the new characters was the whole point of the story. Your retelling the emphasis is on Egon and Janine's reactions to the whole thing. It's an interesting perspective.
Small nitpick (I think it was in Part 3): If what was established about them in "Back In The Saddle" is being kept, Ray and Winston are a fair bit further than "two hours away" unless they're able to just about literally drop everything and fly to New York. Winston's flying a commuter airline in Montana, and Ray's working at a used car dealership in Colorado. They're really not all that much closer than Venkman is, all told. (Which I think speaks very well for Janine's determination to surprise Egon in "Back In The Saddle") If you're intentionally doing your own thing here, forget this entire paragraph.
Anyway, enjoying the story. Looking forward to more when it's ready.
